Love isn't easy
by WordsReverything
Summary: "How much do you love me?" I asked him.   My life wasn't as simple as I had hoped for... I gave up so much, now I want it all back.         Proabably isn't what you are thinking so please read to find out! New title and summary same story! R R
1. Happy birthday

Fan fiction stories

Regretting summer

"Happy birthday to you…" Jacob sung, into my neck, as I rolled into his arms. The heat over whelmed me instantly. His lips, softly perched themselves upon my cheek. I closed my eyes. A pair of clear topaz eyes appeared under my eyelashes.

"_Happy birthday," he whispered_

I sat, abruptly, startling Jake- knocking him to the floor. Blinking, I wanted tom clear my mind of all those thoughts. "Good morning to you to!"

I watched Jacob bring his hand to the bed, climbing back next to me. "Oh!" I grabbed for his hand, "Sorry," I smiled "Morning… And thank you."

He flashed me his wolf grin, "Come on!" He pulled me on to his back, carrying me down the stairs.

I laughed, feeling like a toddler on her father's shoulders. "Jake!" I shrieked, "What are you doing?"

"Just wait and see!"

He clung to me tighter. We turned into the front room; I saw a present as big as a quarter of the room, carefully wrapped in the corner of the room. "Jake, no," I fought trying to break free of his iron grasp.

"I told you- no presents!"

"B-Bella! Stop struggling!" He placed me on the couch, below us. Leaning down next to me.

"If you don't accept it, that's fine, but I want you to know that you won't turn twenty every day!"

No, but I'll be twenty for a year. I thought to myself. Jake carried on: "I also want you to know how much I love you, heart and soul!"

I leaned back mockingly, "I know that already!"

"True, but I wanted to remind you," He leant in. Our lips touched and I felt warmth upon my lips that told me I truly wanted to be here- with my Jacob.


	2. The letter

I stared at myself in the mirror. Pulling my skin down, checking for wrinkles at every point of my face. Sighing, my fingers ran through my hair. No grey hair… yet. I knew it was only a matter of year before the silver streaks started to appear. Pulling at my vest, I wondered if I would always have this body. Would I become ugly? Blinking back the tears, I slumped away from the mirror.

"Bella? You almost ready? "

Jacob's voice called up the stairs. "We have to be at the air port in twenty!"

Rolling my eyes, I concentrated on getting myself ready. Half stumbling down the stair case, I landed in Jacobs open arms. He chuckled. Opening the door, his arms full of packed luggage he made his way out the door. Stepping my feet out into the cold, wet surrounding of Forks, a piece of white paper caught my eye. I stepped back to pick it up. It was an envelope, small - fragile. Twisting the envelope in my fingers, I realized there was a lack of name. "Bella?" I heard Jacob call.

I quickly hid the envelope in my pocket, I'd read it in the car, I decided.

The car ride wasn't long, five minutes or so. I debated whether to mention the envelope to Jake. Surely he must have known about it though. He put it there. Didn't he? Sat on a bench in the crowed air port, I watched Jacob queuing for breakfast. Slipping it on to my lap, I slid my fingers underneath the seal. I remembered the clear script, like the back of my hand.

_Dear Bella,_

_Happy Birthday_

_Yours forever,_

_Edward_

Tears sprung into my eyes. Instantly my head, flicked around the airport. I couldn't see him. Of course I couldn't see him. He wasn't stupid! It had been two years. Two years, since I had left that life behind me. I was given a choice, it was him and forever. Or Jake and warmth. I couldn't leave Jake, Charlie, Renee… I would be a standstill, a cold stone, whilst everyone I loved died around me. Edward had wanted me to marry him, I ran from the commitment, any commitment. Into Jakes welcome arms.

I read those four lines, over and over again, desperately trying to grasp what they meant. My face was absorbed in the paper. "What's this?" I jumped out of my skin. Jacob snatched the letter out of my loose grip.

"No! Jacob Don't! You can't read that!" I leaned across him, reaching for the single piece of paper.

"Dear Bella…" Jacob started to read, despite my protests. I stood on his legs, reaching above him for the paper, before he could read the next few lines. Out of breathe, I clambered down.

"It's just a letter from a …friend." I answered, awkwardly. "Come on, our plane will be arriving soon."

The plane ride was silent. I knew Jake suspected more than I was telling him. My mother was waiting at the airport in Florida. I ran, leaving Jacob behind, directly into my mother's arms. Her childish features, lit up with my arrival. "Oh, Bella" Her eyes overfilled with tears, that fell, like rivers, down her cheeks.

"Ok, Hi, Mum, I'm here now, and I'm fine!"

"Yes, my Bella's all grown up!" She held me tightly, refusing to ever let me go.

"Jacob?" I called behind me, "Can you get my mother off me?" I heard his heavy foot steps behind me.

"Ok! Ma'am? Uh… Hi, could you not, um, crush Bella?" His voice was overcome with nerves.

"Oh!" Renee snuffled, "Of course," Her eyes flashed, "Let's go home!"

Florida, was as I remembered it. Hot. I was grateful to the change of scenery; the sun was a hidden aspect of my life. Although, since the Cullen's had left my life, everything was a lot warmer. Jacob was my own fire. The letter was just telling me he remembered me. I told myself over and over. It didn't mean anything. I kept seeing the look on Edwards face. The last time I saw him, distraught. On my own accord. The moment Renee pulled up outside of her house; I leaped onto the hard, Florida gravel. I made way for the ocean. Paddling my toes on the edge I walked along the shore. Edwards face shadowed my thoughts. My knees crumbled to the water. I broke into a fit of tears.

"Please, get out of my head!" I yelled to the sky, "This isn't my life anymore!" I swayed slightly further out in the water. I was swallowing, all the water pouring from my eyes. "I couldn't do what you wanted me to do, I'm sorry!" I whispered through my tears. I dropped my head under the water.

I miss him…


	3. A quiet life

My mind was alert. I was conscious to the heavy thumping, above my chest. My mouth was forced open, by a large current of air. Suddenly, I sat up, coughing and spluttering. I breathed, in, out, in, out…

"Ugh," My palm felt my forehead. The pressure was excruciating, despite it being my own touch, "That hurts." I moaned.

"What hurts, sweetie?" Jacobs, concerned eyes clouded mine.

"My head," I whined, leaning softly in to his arms. "Make it stop!"

"Now Bella," My mother cautioned in her controlling voice, she hadn't used on me since I was about eight. "Jacob just saved your life!"

"You did?" I looked at him with a loving face. "I can't even remember why I was in the water!" I laughed at myself.

Jacob chuckled into my hair. "I didn't really save your life Bella. I came looking for you on the beach. I found you lying unconscious, here on the sand."

I watched Renee nod, "Whoever did save you, must of left you here to die!" I groaned, Renee: making me feel guilty for almost taking my own life. I felt depressed, like a part of my life was missing. I shook the thought off.

My fingers shook as I raised them to Jacobs face. "You love me, and always will?" I thought like crying as those words flowed carelessly out of my mouth.

He looked stricken as I asked this. His head fumbled, nodding up and down. "Of course." I thought I heard him mumble. I smiled, placing my lips carefully to his.

"Thank you," I whispered, in to his mouth.

The house was quiet. Every move I made Jacob, Renee and Phil would all watch intently, despite my obvious protests. I became oblivious to them, zoning out of their world, and into mine. Tripping, I steadied myself on the stairs, quickly, before the household could hear my mistakes. I could see as Jakes ears twitched. He hesitated in his chair.

"Jake I'm fine." I whispered, silently under my breathe.

I watched his shoulders relax back into the couch, hopelessly enjoying the intent conversation he was having with Phil about baseball.

I stepped, back on to the stairs, making for the guest room I was to sleep in. I flung myself on to double size bed. The silk melted around me, taking my shape and size. It was a relief to feel a comfort so huge.

I was laying there for what seemed like hours before I heard everyone else descending the stairs. Rolling over, I pushed my nose in to the blankets. My arms pricked with goose bumps, despite my attempts to look asleep. I heard Jacob laugh from the corner of the room. The bed creaked as his body weight pushed the springs down. Ignoring the moans of the mattress, his arms wrapped around my waist, my shivering stopped.

Midnight. My eyes snapped open to the distant sound of a sliding door. It was from the kitchen, I decided. Stealing away from the tight grip of Jacobs arms, I sneaked away from the bedroom. Silently moving around the house, it felt like every step creaked-loudly- as I crept. Searching the house there was no sound of any human nature, awake in the rooms. Fumbling my way to the kitchen, I scraped my hand along the soft, paper walls. It was coal black inside. I found the kitchen a few feet away. The blood rushed through my body. I could hear the beat of my heart. The kitchen was colder than the rest of the house; I reached for the light….

Yellow beams spread themselves around the room. Nothing stood in front of me. Dragging my eyes across the floor, I caught the sight of a shadow. I whipped around to catch sight of a human looking figure. His body was muscular, like one of a body builder. His skin, a mesmerizing white. Tracing my eyes to his head, I saw his hair, was the same night black as the empty, black shadows in the place of eyes.

Vampire.


	4. The unexpected

At first I screamed, but it wasn't loud enough to wake the house. Then, I gasped.

"Emmett?" I questioned, narrowing my eyes and examining the figure. He threw his head back, his laughter, booming.

"And me!" A pixie like face appeared from behind the back of Emmett.

"Alice!" I cried. Alice started to move towards me. She stopped to slap Emmett across the stomach. He flinched.

"I told you, I should have gone first." A smile spread widely across his face. Alice started towards me again. Halting in front of me, she examined my face. "You've changed," She whispered.

I laughed, "You haven't" I answered.

Hesitating slightly, we threw our arms around each other.

She pulled back, and appeared to be gagging over the air. "Bella, you smell, revolting! In fact the whole house does."

I sniggered, "Jacob's upstairs."

Their faces appeared to change. Much like they always did when Jacob came into mention.

"I- I'm sorry," I stuttered, walking around them, trying to leave, from embarrassment.

"Where do you think you're going?" Emmett, sounded like he was trying to stop himself from laughing. His arms wrapped around my waist, lifting me above his head and placing me on the table.

"Bella, are you embarrassed?" Alice wondered, her spiky hair bouncing with each tilt of her head.

I nodded, gravely. Alice sighed. "Please, do not be! We already knew Jacob was here, but we weren't quite sure how…close you had become." She smiled sadly. "Please, sit." I climbed, roughly down, clambering, and struggling to sit on the wooded dining room chair.

Placing my hands on the table, I began to wonder why they were here; I had warned them about coming into my life, again. Sighing, I lifted my eyes to see them sat across from me. It reminded me of all those years ago when we had all sat down in the Cullen's house, to decide whether I would become a vampire or not. It all seemed worthless now; I had upset Edward a great deal that day. It felt like centuries had past. "Why are you here?" I questioned.

Emmett's stance loosened, slightly. "We have come to visit you, of course." I nodded, pleased by this honesty.

"Bella, please do not feel uncomfortable, we know you miss us!" Alice, spoke sincerely.

"I don't" I lied, feeling my face heat up.

"Yes, you do Bella. I saw you today, screaming at Edward to get out of your head. I saw the way you reacted to his small letter. I know you are just refusing to admit that to yourself, and that's ok!" I looked away, had that all been just today?

"Do they, do the rest… Are they?" I stumbled, struggling to find the right words. I took a deep breathe.

"Do the rest of you know that you're here?" Alice and Emmett, both shook their heads.

"Oh." Tears sprung to my eyes. Wiping my eyes instantly, I didn't want them to see my attempt at refusing to cry.

Alice reached over to touch her hands to mine. "Please, Bella, understand that this was a great risk to take, we didn't know up until this afternoon, that you even remembered who we were. "

"You were planning on coming before then?" They shook their heads again.

"Sorry, Bella."Emmett started to speak again. "But no, Alice has just been attempting to keep tabs on you ever since you decided to leave."

"Failing obviously," Alice mentioned, sadly, we laughed, half heartedly. "You and your stupid wolf friends," She added.

I failed to take offense. Self consciously I was thinking of the time I ripped myself from their lives, without think of anything but me. I got out, whilst they coped with the pain.

"How is everyone?" I asked without thinking.

"We are living in Seattle now." Alice began, "After the new born attack we decided to move there, keep an eye on things. Everyone is still living as a family. Me, Emmett, Jasper, Rosalie, Carlisle, Esme and…Edward." She stopped, checking see if I was ok at the mention of his name.

I nodded for her to continue. "Edward was very,…difficult after you left. Not really knowing what to do with himself, and rarely moving from his room. He still doesn't move much now, he thinks about you often, on many occasions has he considered coming to see you like we have tonight. If it wasn't for that damn treaty! The worst thing is, he has stopped playing. I am ashamed to say he has not placed his fingers on those keys once since you went off to live with the wolves..." She trailed off. My eyes were overflowing with tears.

"Oh my God! Sorry, Bella? Sorry! I shouldn't have told you that!" I sniffed, wiping away the tears.

"It's ok! Thank you for telling me that." Alice nodded unsure.

"Emmett was staring out the window, his eyes wide, "Alice, we must go, the sun is rising!"

"Oh right! Sorry Bella, We have to go!"

I blinked, and they we gone. "You will come back?" I asked after them, there was no reply.


	5. Just visiting

They returned the next night. I found them in the front room, arguing over who should wake me. I interrupted them laughing. "You two really do fight over the stupidest things!" I laughed to myself.

"Ah! Hello, Bella" Emmett was amused by my current state. In my mother's mirror across the room, I saw the look of myself. My pyjamas was ruffled and creased, I was slightly slouched from being awoken and my hair looked like, well, a haystack...

Most of the nights began like this. They usually arrived around two in the morning. To let me have my "beauty sleep" in Emmett's words, and "to make sure the whole house was asleep," in Alice's words.

Alice and Emmett's visits were regular, and occurred for about a week. Each night I was asking after Edward. And each night they would simply shake their heads, then moving on as if I hadn't said a thing.

Until one night they answered.

I asked if anyone at the house had wondered after their disappearing every night. Emmett laughed.

"Rosalie thinks I'm cheating on her with Alice." We all laughed. I was beginning to remember all the dramas of Rosalie.

"And Jasper thinks I'm experimenting on Emmett." Alice said. I wondered what kind of experimenting, but I didn't want to ask.

"Edward must know!" I blurted, suddenly.

"What?" Alice seemed annoyed.

"I mean, he must suspect something, he can read your minds after all!"

"Oh! Of course, but, Bella, we are very good at covering our thoughts up to Edward now!"

"However Esme and Carlisle are on to something." Emmett added.

"How so?" I asked.

"Well, they are the only ones to particularly see the obvious. Esme noticed how agitated we were, when we got home, the first night after seeing you. And we have been discussing you a lot, without mentioning your name- of course."

"And they are the only ones to pay attention to that?" Alice nodded, shortly.

"So!" Emmett started. "How would you like to come and visit the Cullen's tonight?"

I choked on my own spit. "I couldn't, they would hate me!" I exclaimed. "And I could never face Edward!"

They both smiled broadly. "That is why tonight is perfect!" Alice squealed.

"Huh?" I was confused.

"Edward if off visiting the Denali's in Alaska!" Emmett explained to me.

"What about the rest of the Cullen's? They'd hate me!" I whined.

"No, they don't, in fact they would be overjoyed to see you, especially, Esme!" Alice added.

"She has missed you the most, except Edward, perhaps." I looked down at what I was wearing.

I half smiled at Alice, and motioned towards my clothes. Before I could say a word, she was gone, ransacking my closet. In those thirty seconds it was silent.

"Don't worry Bella, we know what we're doing, we'll get you back on time!"

I was glad to have an answer to the next question I had in my head. Alice returned with a bundle of my clothes.

"Did you wake Jacob?" I asked.

"Please, an earthquake couldn't wake him!" Alice answered. "Now you," She pointed towards Emmett,

"Out!"

He did as he was told. And with Alice's help I was changed in at least three times the usual speed it would normally take me. I twirled, feeling pretty, just because it was Alice who had chosen the outfit for me. She has chosen, my near-black skinny jeans, and a pink blouse. I would never have chosen the combination for myself.

"You look beautiful," Emmett came in behind me.

"Um, thanks," I replied. I was quite taken aback. First, because Emmett was not someone I would think to give a compliment like that. Secondly, he was married to Rosalie, the most beautiful creature to ever walk upon this earth!

"Can we go already?" He complained.

Alice nodded.

Emmett laughed, heavily, picking him up onto his back. I quickly remembered what would happen next. I gasped, closing my eyes. I buried my head in Emmett's neck. Concentrating on the rhythm of his steps, I went over what I would say to the Cullen's: what _would_ I say to the Cullen's?

Thoughts were streaming through my mind, as I tried to come up with what I would say to everyone when we arrived. I wasn't really concentrating on the journey; however I am certain, it wasn't long.

I heard Emmett's feet drop softly onto a patch of grass, sentencing our arrival. I peered around his neck, careful not to let anyone that could be looking out of a window to notice me.

"Wow," I gasped, it was even larger than the house back in Forks. Although apart from the size, it looked like it hadn't changed at all. It seemed impossible that no sounds could be heard; even if it _was_ the middle of the night.

I dropped to the ground, landing flat on my back. I groaned, while Alice and Emmett both laughed.

"Same old Bella," I heard Emmett mumble under his breath. Alice and Emmett both ran to the door and held it open for me. I wasn't even half way across the grass. "Come on, we haven't got all night!" Emmett yelled at me, but it only scarcely touched my ears.

Stepping through the door frame, I shivered, suddenly noticing the sudden drop of temperature. The front hall was larger in comparison to the house in Forks, however it wasn't as bright. I remembered the many nights I had stayed there and it was still very bright, even in the dark winter nights. I was sad to see that there was no piano resting by the window, like I felt there should have been. I felt Alice slip her hand around my waist. She seemed sad.

"Alice what's wrong?" Emmett asked from behind.

She was staring at the wall, her eyes thinking of something very far away. I knew she was having a vision of the future.

"They will see her in one minute. She must be alone." And with that they were gone, leaving nothing but a whoosh of air.

I waited for what seemed like forever, until someone would notice me. Surely they could hear me? I could hear nothing amongst the house. Had Alice and Emmett made a mistake? Were all the Cullen's gone?

However, just at that moment I heard the undeniable scraping of chairs above me. No footsteps could be heard, but there was suddenly a very loud scream and a person in front of me.

"Bella!" She cried, flinging her arms around my neck and crushing me into her body. While being hugged, I recovered myself and realised that it was Esme that had been screaming. She was sniffling into my neck. I was sure that if she was able to cry, she would. I felt her release me, but only to look at my face.

"I can't believe you're here!" She squealed like a child. "I said to them upstairs, I said I could have sworn I could smell a human." I cringed at this remark.

Staring behind her were three very shocked pairs of eyes. The faces, of Carlisle, Rosalie and Jasper, were looking at me intently. I smiled, "Uh... Hi." I whispered, sheepishly.

I watched Rosalie's eyes' rage. "I don't believe you Bella! You come in here all those years ago, with the stolen heart of my brother Edward, not caring that you're a human, but then you throw his heart away and saunter out of here, to go off with your wolf friend. But you bored of them now? You thrown his heart away to, but you stink, of him, by the way!" Rosalie screamed this very loudly.

"I- I- I'm s-sorry." I stuttered. But she wasn't finished yet.

"You think you can just waltz back in here, after all of that, and pick up where you left off? Or don't you even care? You just wanted to check up on us? Well I have some news for you, Edward is not even here! So you can just turn around and go back to your pack of stinky, flea- infested mutts!" Her voice raised her voice at the end.

"N-No, I didn't mean..." I trailed off, she had pretty much hit exactly why I was here; I had wanted to see their faces, just one more time. But Rosalie didn't care, she was already gone. I thought I heard a door slam, somewhere else in the house.

My hands flew to my face. Breaking down into a flourish of tears, I could hear Esme worrying about Rosalie.

Carlisle came over to comfort her. I could hear a buzzing sound of what was probably whispering about me. I looked up. Jasper was still sitting at the bottom of the stair case, staring at my face. I stopped crying abruptly. Everything felt a lot calmer. Smiling, I spoke the word "thanks" on my lips.

He just nodded, and he also disappeared.

I slowly clambered to my feet. "Carlisle, Esme..." I had interrupted them. Esme smiled, for me to carry on.

Taking a deep breath, I continued. "I really didn't mean to intrude. It's just, Alice and Emmett have been visiting me for about a week, and tonight they asked me whether I wanted to come and visit everyone here." I looked down at my feet as I spoke, shifting my feet from one foot to the other.

They smiled warmly. "You knew Edward wasn't here, didn't you?" Esme asked in her motherly voice.

I nodded slightly. "I have been missing everyone here a lot recently. But I'll go now." I turned for the door.

Carlisle called me back. "Bella, how do you expect to get home?"

I blinked. Then I remembered how far away I was from Florida. It must have taken us hours to get here. But it was still dark.

"What time is it?" I asked Carlisle.

"A little after three," He answered.

Wow, I thought to myself, we really did arrive quickly.

"Look, Bella, I have been missing you terribly, and so have Alice and Emmett, evidently. You must stay and we will talk!" Esme seemed really happy, so I did as I was told.

We were sat in the front room, when Alice and Emmett appeared about half an hour later.

"See that wasn't so bad was it Bella?" Alice said, as she climbed onto the sofa next to be and cuddled herself into my side.

Esme laughed at Alice. She seemed to find it amusing that the two years obviously hadn't changed how me and Alice acted towards one another.

"I wish you had given us some warning though, you two." Esme said, accusingly to Alice and Emmett.

"And we will...next time." Alice answered.

"Next time?" I looked at Esme. "You mean I can come back?" I asked.

She seemed to beam. "Whenever you please."

"But you three are the only ones who seem glad that I am back." Jasper came through the door as I said this.

"That is not true, Bella. I am happy you have returned. You are a great friend to Alice, and indeed to all of us." Alice smiled lovingly up at Jasper.

"And Carlisle only went away quickly because he was late for his night run at the hospital." Esme interjected.

I smiled at all of them. "Rosalie..." I trailed off.

"Has never liked you, and probably never will." Emmett finished. "Sorry," He added.

"But for now we must get you home Bella, I have a feeling it might take a little longer to get you back than it did getting you here." Alice said.

"Great," I mumbled.

Esme hugged me. "It's great to have you back." She whispered in my ear.

We all said our goodbyes, and then, me Alice and Emmett all made our way back to Florida.


	6. Arguments and apologies

I arrived home, only to notice that the house was as I had left it. I couldn't help but think of the magical adventure I had just had, and yet, the house was so quite you could hear a pin drop. Making my way up the stairs was quite daunting. I knew that I smelt of vampires, and I had to get the smell off me before Jacob was to wake up.

I crept past his sleeping state. I watched as the bed shuddered under his snores. How had I ever been able to sleep next to that? Dropping my clothes to the floor, I clambered into the shower, scrubbing so hard my skin was scarlet.

Turning the squeaky knob to off the water, I heard Jacob's familiar yawn and stretch as he awoke. I flinched as I heard his muscles flex and his bones crack.

"Bella?" His rough voice called to me.

"In here," I shouted, through the steam. I wrapped the towel around me and walked back into the bedroom. Jacobs's hair was ruffled, sticking up in all places. Sweat was running down his face, like little rivers. I had always hated this. He almost became too warm for himself to cope. However, his bare skin was flaring with heat, making my knees feel weak.

"You're up early." I said, leaning over to plant a kiss on his forehead.

"Speak for yourself!" Jacob cried, with a hint of laughter in his voice. "How'd you sleep?" He asked curiously.

I searched his face for any signs of suspicion. Deciding he was clear, I answered truthfully. "I didn't much." I said rubbing my eyes, and faking a yawn.

He laughed, "Rough night? You should have woke me, I could have kept you company." His face turned into a sly smile.

"I was actually ok for company," I admitted.

His eyebrows creased in confusion.

"You know I don't need people to keep me company." I answered his confusion. "My night was like a perfect fairy tale!"

I breathed in and out, slowly. He had no idea how much of that was true.

"Ok..." He trailed off, used to my weird comments. "I'm hungry, let's go eat!" He laughed, and pulled me out of the room.

On the stairs, though, he stopped. "Do you smell something?" He asked, pulling his head round to look at me.

I shook my head hastily. "No, of course you don't," He muttered under his breath.

I knew what the smell was though, not wanting to waste time on the subject, I moved around him, grasping his hand and dragging him to the bottom of the staircase.

Again he stopped. He inhaled deeply. "I've been able to smell it for about a week now, but today, it's a lot stronger." He said, crouching on the floor, and crawling on his knees.

"Jacob, please get up, you know I hate when you act like a dog." I pleaded.

"That's it!" He was sat in the middle of the front room, with his head leant into the carpet.

"What's it?" I asked, pleading that he hadn't figured it out.

"It's those filthy blood suckers!" He exclaimed, taking my hand and checking my body for any sign of damage.

Without finding anything, I was wondering what to say. I couldn't lie. But I obviously couldn't tell him the truth.

"That's impossible! We're in the middle of Florida! There's a lot of sun, so surely..." I trailed off; I didn't know what to say.

"Not at night there isn't!" Jacob cried. He was beginning to become angry. Therefore I became angry to.

"Jacob, are you seriously blaming me? You think that just because you can smell something suspicious, and you think it's a vampire, that it automatically comes back to me?" I shouted, clenching my fists.

"Yes, Bella I do! Because all the times when I had to wait around for that old boyfriend of yours to stop being so bloody clingy and protective, I should have know he'd come back for you!" Jacob retaliated.

"Well I can honestly say that he hasn't! I haven't seen him in over a year!" This much, at least was true. And Jacob could see that in my eyes.

I took a deep breath and calmed myself a little. "He swore to me that he wouldn't do anything to harm you, when I left, and he wouldn't do anything to try and get me back. However much it pains him I am with you now. And it will not stop me from loving you. Is that clear?" I asked him.

Jacob nodded sheepishly and apologised. I hugged him tight to my chest. Placing my hands either side of his face I kissed him on his lips. I felt him kissing back. He was cherishing out kiss. However, I opened my eyes. Willing it to stop.

* * *

><p>The days that followed were lonely and silent. Neither I nor Jacob mentioned the incident that morning and we had planned to move on as if nothing had ever happened. Alice and Emmett did not return in the week that followed, or in the week after that. I was beginning to fear that I would have to leave before I could see them again.<p>

I was sat on the couch, reading Romeo and Juliet under the light of a lamp, long after the house had gone to sleep, when the next sound of movement occurred in the house.

"Mum?" I called, just in case it wasn't who I had hoped. There was no answer so I followed the noise into the down stairs bathroom.

I found Esme there. She was trying to work out how to fix a broken hinge on the window.

I laughed at her struggle. Edward has once told me that vampires could do practically anything.

Esme turned around. Her eyes met mine and we both smiled.

"Please Esme, don't worry about that! I am glad it has broken, I thought it was going to go weeks ago!" We both grinned.

She came away from the window to stand in front of me.

"I see you are still dressed, that is good, we will not waste time. We must go now!" She hurried her sentence.

"What? To the house?" She nodded mutely.

"Ok," I mumbled as I clambered on her back. It felt more petit that Emmett and what I could remember of the rides I had taken on Edward.

As we made our way to the house I couldn't help wondering why Esme was there.

Lifting my head from the gap in her neck my eyes strayed to the ground. Concentrating on looking at the top of her head, I began to feel a little more at ease.

"Why hasn't anyone come for me over the past two weeks? I have been willing it since the moment I was dropped back home a fortnight ago." I felt like I was whining.

"Emmett and Alice over heard your fight with Jacob. Needless to say, they were more than a little offended by the way you mentioned the pain of Edward." Esme sounded disapproving.

"Crap." I moaned into her back.

There was no time to recover though, because we had arrived.

"What do I say now?" I asked Esme.

She cupped my face in her hands. "You will do what is right." She said simply and ran into the house.

I rolled my eyes at Esme's wisdom and walked carefully towards the door. However before I could reach the handle a gust of wind stopped me from opening it. "Where do you think you're going?"

Rosalie's face appeared in front of me. Evidently, she was not happy.

"Please, Rosalie I want to apologise." I said simply. "Please let me inside."

Narrowing her eyes, she inspected me for any signs of lying. Giving up, she motioned me inside. However, she only led me as far as the kitchen. Looking around, I noticed everyone was there, waiting.

"Well?" Rosalie barked.

I jumped. Think Bella Think. I looked at each of them. All of their disapproving gazes. I knew what I was going to say, but how could I begin.

I noticed then, that Alice had started smiling. Had she already seen what I was going to say, I wondered.

Tensing my body, I suddenly became very nervous. Jaspers eyes became very wide as he tried to calm me.

Carlisle was looking at me with a fatherly look in his eyes. He trusted me. I started.

"For the past two weeks I have been waiting for one of you to turn up and whisk me away to this place. Because the truth is to me, this place is truly heaven. But I realised tonight that in the heat of a fight, the same night I had been here. I had said that I didn't really care how much pain Edward was in. Well, that was a lie. I was surprised I was managed to get away with it actually..." I stopped, thinking I was saying too much. But they all were staring at me intently, encouraging me to continue.

"As you probably all know, I am a hopeless liar, on the other hand I am now realising that this could make you hate me even more! Carrying on, I just wanted to say I am sorry. The truth is; I was fighting with Jacob that day to cover up that I had been with all of you. Because he knows how close I always was to crawling back to you and begging for forgiveness. He knows that I love all of you more than I could ever love the pack."

I started to cry, not wanting to carry on but knowing that I had to. Alice's attention was somewhere behind me, but I knew she had already heard what I was about to say as her pixie face was beaming.

"I guess what I am trying to say... Is that the only reason I left was because I felt I was being selfish. I loved Edward so much, but I also loved Jacob, and I followed my head more than my heart. Jacob could give me a life full of my family and friends. I think I was always just scared of who I would become if I stayed with all of you."

My speech was becoming very long winded and I didn't want to continue. Esme and Jaspers heads had also turned to look behind me.

"I can tell you're not done, but please hurry up!" Rosalie said rudely.

"Ok... Well, even now, I think I am still in love with Edward, more than Jacob or anyone. And I hate myself for pushing away the only person who could truly make me happy."

The tears were very heavy then and I looked up to see all of the Cullen's staring behind me.

Confused I turned around.

Edward was standing just six feet away from me.

* * *

><p><strong>Sorry for the cliffhanger! I will try and update as soon as possible!<strong>

**Thank you to my very first reviewer, it was very much appreciated!**

**Also, is there anything you would like to happen next? Please let me know! **

**By the way I have changed the names of the chapters, do you think it is better this way or not?**

**:)**


	7. New opinions

I gulped, choking on air. Sweat was rapidly increasing around my face, and my knees were beginning to feel weak. He was smiling, but I knew it was his amused smile. I was sure he was going to be mad at me. Not as far as Rosalie, but definitely mad. Much to my disliking, however, his amused smile became a confused frown. I could tell neither of us wanted to say anything first.

I heard a low chuckle behind me. I had a feeling it was Emmett, but I didn't want my eyes to stray from Edward. Someone else cleared their throat. They must be becoming restless, I thought.

I stepped forward one step. His eyes dragged to the floor, watching me move towards him.

Trying to smile, comforting him, I stepped again. Stopping there, I took a deep breath.

"H-Hi... Edward." I choked, feeling the guilt radiate off me.

He nodded; I guessed that meant "Hi" to me too.

His eyes strayed from my face, to my left hand. I snatched it up to my chin. There wasn't a ring there. Did he think there should have been? Maybe Jacob had told him that he was going to marry me? Twisting my fingers in my hair, I watched his eyes become very wide.

"H-How are you..." I started, but he was suddenly directly in front of me, reaching for my hand.

"Bella," His voice soothed, cradling my fingers in his.

My hands were shaking at the icy temperature of his hands. I didn't want to pull away, or break the connection between our eyes.

"Bella," He said again, dismissing my previous question.

"Yes?" I answered.

He was smile was widening, "Bella," He said again.

I started to laugh; tears were falling down my cheeks, landing in the knot that was our hands.

"I'm here," I whispered, pulling my hand to his face. My thumb stroked his cheek, cherishing every dent, and bump that was on his skin.

Then, his wands were gone from mine; my eyes went wide as he had thrown himself across to the other side of the room.

Even though his face was turned away from mine, I could see he was in pain. His reflection was shown in the window next to him. I spun around from help from his family, but they were gone.

His hands were placed around his neck, like he was trying to hang himself.

"Edward?" I walked over to him, touching his fingers. He flinched at the warmth.

I tried with all my might to keep my heart beat down. "Edward, Please!" I whined, attempting to release his hands from behind his neck.

He sobbed into his arms.

"You left me," He sobbed in to his knees.

Sighing, I sat down next to him. "I know," I said rubbing his back.

"You said you loved him more than me," He turned to face me, of course his face still looked perfect.

As a vampire, he couldn't actually cry, only seem to be. Not that he was faking, no of course he wasn't, to him, this _was_ crying.

Staring at my shoes, I took my hand away from him. Fiddling my hands together, I made my breathing steady; I had never prepared myself for this day.

"I know what I said, Edward." I said, quietly.

Leaning over to me, he said rather harshly, "Then why are you back?"

"I don't know..." I answered truthfully.

"I heard that speech of yours." He whispered.

"Yeah?" He nodded, "Well, you should know the answer then!" I dropped my head to my hands to cover up my tears that were returning once more.

"Hey," His voice was trying to sooth me, "Why are you crying?" He questioned.

"You don't have to live with this regret, every day of your life!" I cried.

"Oh, but I do," He conquered.

I looked at him, confused.

"I let you go!" he answered, grinning.

I smiled. He leant in, "It's not a mistake I'm going to make again." He whispered into my lips, before pushing his against mine.

Holding Edwards hand, he led me to the garden. We sat there, on the grass for what must have been hours.

"I take it you got my letter then?" Edward asked, his face seemed to be absorbing itself into mine.

I laughed, "Yeah, it was quite a surprise actually."

Chuckling he squeezed my fingers, sending a shrill up my whole body. "You weren't expecting it then?"

I shook my head.

"Good, but it worked just as well." He said, holding my fingers to his mouth.

"What?" I asked, questioning his plan.

"I thought you had forgotten me Bella. I wanted it once, but this time it wasn't up to me ; it was up to you, and it hurts!" Hr concluded.

"I would never forget about you Edward! You and everyone here should know that!" I answered, pressing my hands to his chest.

"I do now..." He starting, pulling me closer.

"Stop!" I blurted, "We can't do this!" I had suddenly noticed the sun appearing over the trees. It must have been getting ready for everyone to be waking up.

Edward looked at me through shocked eyes. The shocked then turned into anger.

"So you don't love me!" It was a statement- not a question.

I looked at the sun and pointed, I didn't want to say anything, I was scared at any words that would come out of my mouth.

His face seemed to cloud over, he understood.

Dragging me back inside he held me close. "We can do this," He whispered, cradling my head. "We can do this." He said again

I fought against his tight grip. Breaking free, I realised that my face was wet from tears. "No we can't!" I almost yelled.

He was bewildered. I hoped that the Cullen's weren't listening- though I knew they probably were.

"It's ok, I'll just take you home, and I'll pick you up tomorrow." He was trying to win against me. But for once he wasn't going to win. This was exactly how it had been last time.

"No Edward!" I cried, standing my ground. "Jacob knows your scent, and I won't be there tomorrow!"

"You're not leaving," He whined, attempting to stay strong.

"I'm going home," I choked. When a slight smile broke out across his face.

"But that's better, you'll be even closer!"

"With wolves guarding my every move, jumping at every scent they smell, and a long treaty line that we can't step over." I explained.

"You can and Forks is no-man's land anyway!" His voice was thickening.

"I don't live in Forks anymore Edward." I looked to the floor.

He stopped; he became the stone standstill that I could have become. Knowing that I had won was not a sweet victory.

"Please Bella." He whispered into my ear. "I only just got you back."

Feeling weaker than ever; reaching up behind his neck, I whispered: "We'll figure it out... somehow." His lips forcibly came down on mine.

Resting our foreheads together and fiddling with his hair, I saw that his eyes were as topaz as when I had last saw them.

No time had passed in his world at all, I thought to myself.

"I love you." I whispered. But before he could say anything back. I was whisked away by Emmett, forced to be pulled away to somewhere I didn't want to be.

His eyes were the last thing I saw before we disappeared behind the trees, he was happy.

* * *

><p>Packing was silent. Me and Jake clambered around the room, not even looking at what we were throwing into the old duffle bags. I hadn't told Jake what or where I had been the previous night, and to be honest I couldn't be sure if he suspected anything or not.<p>

"When I had arrived back at the house, it was still sleeping, so of course I did my best to get any smell out of the house.

Today, though, it seemed to work.

I couldn't tell whether Jake was just ignoring the smell of the air freshener or couldn't smell the vampires at all.

The morning went by pretty fast; I was concentrating on clearing out stuff out of the guest room while Jake was trying to convince Renee that we could make it back to the airport without her assistance. I was sure Renee didn't trust Jake, even more sure than I was about her not trusting Edward.

The last time I had come to visit Renee it was with Edward with the air tickets his parents had got for my eighteenth birthday.

Renee has become so convinced that Edward would be willing to take a bullet for me, I thought she had begun to catch on.

Over the past few weeks Renee had become the opposite with Jacob. A few hours before we were due to leave, she dragged me –again- on a walk down the beach.

"Now that you aren't going to college in Alaska, you should really come to Florida Bella." Renee said, wrapping her arms securely around my waist.

"Mum, you know I'm going to the college in La push, with Jacob." I explained, comforting her.

"He hasn't even finished high school yet!" Renee cried, becoming sensitive.

"Yes he has, he's joining me next week at the college." I answered, keeping my voice stern.

She rolled her eyes, walking towards the water- away from me.

"Mum what's wrong?" I asked.

I could see her wiping a tear away from her face.

"Nothing, Bella, I am just concerned for you."

"Why?" I said sharply.

She hadn't found out about my ventures out of the house during this visit? She hadn't found out about me and Edward?

"It's just, you're so young, you realise that? And I know that you feel safe with Jacob, but he is younger than you, quite a bit considering your ages." Renee answered.

I let out the breath I didn't even realise I was holding.

"Oh!" I was shocked, even though my mum had a thing about young marriage, I didn't think she was concerned about me and Jacob.

"Bella, please don't take it the wrong way! I am sure you and Jacob are very good together, I just couldn't help thinking..."

"About Edward?" I guessed

She nodded carefully, realising he was a bit of a sensitive subject for me.

"Yeah, he does that to people." I admitted, my mind absent-mindedly thinking about the night previously.

"Look," She started, clasping my hands. "I remember what you and Edward were like. You loved each other... A lot! And no one could argue with that, just from looking at the two of you."

Hearing my own mother say this brought tears to my eyes.

"I..." My voice trailed off, aware of myself breaking down, I let my mother continue.

"I am sorry for saying this but, I have to say what others won't! You have felt a deeper love than most people, and you are only twenty! In fact you had it by the time it was your eighteenth birthday!"

Eighteenth birthday! Renee was hitting every weakness I had. As this was the day he had ripped himself out of my life for the first time.

"Please..." I started to plead with her to stop but she continued as if she hadn't heard me.

"Just remember Jacob hasn't had that, he may think you have it with him but Bella, you only feel it once!" Was she trying to tell me something here? My mouth dropped open.

"Are you trying to tell me to dump Jacob and run off with Edward?" To my surprise again she laughed.

"Bella that wouldn't be fair as a mother, but just be careful ok? Jacob isn't one to take a chance, that's my guess anyway." Renee suddenly jumped and became her normal childish way again.

She ran off down the beach back to the house. I walked slowly back behind her.

* * *

><p>After we left the airport in Forks Jacob became his usual self again.<p>

"I'm glad we are finally home again!" He said, wrapping his free hand around me because he was driving.

"You didn't like my mother then?" I asked.

"No!" He exclaimed, taking his eyes off the road for a second. "I just thought she didn't like me very much," He said, pulling me into him and kissing me.

"You have no idea." I mumbled under my breath


	8. The real world

I started college again the next day. Like most people on the reservation I went to its own specialist college. No one knew why but it always started on October 1st. I wasn't complaining; this had given me the chance with my mum, and the time to see Edward; the one I had lost.

As I drove Jacobs's old car into the car park, I looked at him with weary eyes. I was considering what Renee had told me the day before. Was Jacob too young for me? Today was his first day of college. I was going into my third year. I shook the thought off, climbing out of the car and walking around the bonnet to clasp Jake's hand.

"How are you feeling?" I asked stroking the back of his hand.

"Nervous," He admitted, gulping. He then puffed his chest out, probably refusing to look like a coward in front of me.

"It's ok to be scared," I soothed, wrapping my arm around his waist.

We walked into the reception area where all the first years were waiting for their schedules. Jacob stopped by the wall, leaning against it, not drawing attention to himself.

I sighed, pulling him over to a group of people the same age as him. He groaned, "Why can't I stay with you?" He squeezed my hand.

"I'm not leaving you!" I exclaimed, "Just getting you ready for when I have to get to class." I explained, refusing to meet his eye.

He shrugged.

I watched as a group of girls scanned Jacob up and down. I looked their way and they all burst into a fit of hysterics. Rolling my eyes, I drew my attention back to Jacob.

"What if I don't fit in?" Jacob stressed, his temperature rising more than usual. I had to snap my hand away from his.

"I'm sure that won't be a problem." I mumbled, looking at my reflection in the window. I looked different to everybody in this school. I didn't want to go here; I wanted to go to Dartmouth, or Alaska, somewhere remotely close to Edward.

I drifted into my thoughts about Edward when a loud voice snapped me out of it.

"Black, Jacob?" A slightly plump woman called Mrs Stats shouted, pushing her glasses up her nose. Her hair was littered with grey streaks, that made her copper skin look older and more frayed.

Jacob raised his hand in the air slightly, as he was already towering above her.

Raising her eyebrows, she walked over to where we were standing. She fixed a smile upon her face, I knew for a fact it was fake.

"Hello Jacob it's nice to meet you," She said with a very clear instructive voice. Sticking out her hand for Jacob to shake, he shook it cautiously.

"Uh...Nice to meet you too miss." He said clearing his throat, probably wishing she would leave him alone.

His eyes met mine and I smiled at him encouragingly.

"Here are your map and schedule Jacob." She said, hand him more papers than necessary. "Now Miss Swan, you need to be getting to class, I'm sure Mr Black will be fine without you attached to his side." She barked at me, I heard a few muffled giggles form the girls in the corner.

I glared at them, and shrugged. I reached up to peck Jacob on the lips, much to my amusement, they all gasped.

"Bye," Jacob moaned as he stretched his hand as far as it could go with me before finally letting go.

"You'll be fine," I promised, before blowing him a kiss and making my way out the door.

* * *

><p>The day that passed was a blur. Not many people would talk to be, but I was used to it by now. I was the pale, clear face girl. Despite, not have many friends there; I missed the high school in Forks. They had all made me feel welcome on my first day. I missed Jessica's desperate longing for Mike to notice her. I missed Mike's constant attempts to get me to notice him. But over all I missed Angela's kind heart and how she was a true friend to me when I needed it.<p>

I stayed in contact with them and we met up from time to time, but they didn't fully approve of me and Jacob.

Here in La Push, however, I didn't have the company of girls desperate for a boyfriend, or guys drooling over my (despite Jacob). Most of all I missed have a true friend I could confide in.

Abandoning all thoughts, I slowly trespassed my way through the day. It was obvious I wouldn't have any classes with Jacob, so I couldn't wait to find out how his day had been.

At the end of the day I made my way to the car. I saw Jacob already waiting there. He was surrounding by a spray of girls. Usually I should have been jealous, but I was happy he had made some friends.

When he saw me, he broke away from the crowd, and pulled me into him.

"How was your day?" He asked against my hair. I laughed and simply nodded into his chest, smirking at all the disappointed girls walking away.

After climbing behind the wheel of his car I asked how his day had been.

"Great!" He started before continuing, "I love it so much here, I have made so many friends, everyone seems to really like me!" He was happy; this above all, made me happy.

"I am glad you enjoyed your day, Jake," I smiled, not taking my eyes away from the road.

"What do you want to do tonight?" He asked, suddenly.

I creased my eyebrows. "Well, actually, Jake, I was planning on going to see Charlie tonight..." I trailed off, waiting for his answer.

He was quiet for a few moments before nodding his head. "Of course," He said finally.

"Good, then its settled." I decided to drive straight to Charlie's from school.

* * *

><p>We arrived at Charlie's before he did; I let myself in with the key I had kept for emergencies. I thought I would surprise Charlie by making him dinner, so I searched through the fridge.<p>

"Fish, fish and more fish..." I mumbled as I put my hand in to feel for different food.

"Nope, then this will have to do," I took three fish out and started to prepare them for dinner.

Jacob had made himself scarce and put the TV on in the front room. Under Phil's strict instructions he had started to pay more attention to any kind of baseball.

About half an hour later Charlie came in, exhausted from work.

"Hey dad!" I called making my way to greet him in the hall.

"Bells!" He cried flinging his arms awkwardly around my shoulders. "How're 'ya?" He asked.

"I'm great dad," I said flashing one of my happy smiles.

"Hey Charlie," Jacob called form the couch.

Charlie walked around me and high fived Jacob.

"How are 'ya?" I heard him ask.

"Never better!" Jacob cried.

I rolled my eyes and left them to bond over sports.

After dinner, me and Jake were on our way out, when Charlie stopped me.

"You be careful Bella," He said, hugging me awkwardly again.

"Ok dad," I answered before getting in the car and driving away.

* * *

><p>Surprisingly, the sky was still light. I wanted to make use of this pleasant evening. Dropping Jacob at home I said I wanted to have a drive around because the weather was staying dry for once.<p>

He shrugged, before kissing me and darting into the house.

I didn't know where I was driving to, but it was definitely away from the town of Forks.

But about twenty minutes later I pulled up in front of the place I'd never have the guts to drive to again.

The Cullen house.

Slamming the door of the car, I ran, tripping over several times, to the front door.

Touching the knob I noticed that the door was open. This took me by surprise. Pushing the door open I carefully stepped over the threshold.

The house was clean and very bright. I could tell it was well tended to even though I knew no one had stepped foot in the house for approximately twelve months.

It was so clean; they must have come back more recently than they had made out.

My flat shoes made a soft clipping noise as I made my way across the very open first floor. I had been in the house many times but I defiantly wasn't comfortable here. Not on my own anyway.

Wrapping my hand carefully around the banister I pulled myself up the stairs towards the third floor.

I should have been thinking absentmindedly that it was bad to break into their house and have a poke around, but somehow I knew they would be ok with it.

I trailed my fingers across the soft walls until I reached the room I was most desperate to reach.

Edwards.

Cringing slightly as I pushed the door open, my door dropped to my knees. It was exactly as I had seen it last.

Every crease, every fold, every piece of dust. Nothing had moved.

Gasping, I made my way around the room. Examining his book, his CD's, his photos. I let at a squeal when I reached his bedside cabinet

There- standing delicately on his piano- was mine and Edwards's happy faces on the day of my eighteenth birthday; completely unaware of what horror would occur next.

The glass cover was littered with a million specks of dust. I wiped them all away in disgust. I had given this to Edward when we had saved him from Italy as a memory though terrifying, it was a truly crucial part of our story.

So from then on it had been place with pride on Edwards's next true love.

I smiled at our faces; I wished we could be like that again. Placing a sweet kiss above his face I put it down where it should be.

My life was never like that with Jake. Everything had to be so intense.

I was so comfortable with them, so at ease; they were my second family.

"No," I whispered.

A single tear escaped my eyes as I clumsily made my way out of the house. Slamming each door as I went.

As I jumped roughly into the car, I roughly slammed my head on the wheel.

"This is not my life!" I cried through my tears.

Clearing my tears, I made my way back to Jacob, My Jacob.

* * *

><p><strong>Hey to all the readers.<strong>

**I'm a little disappointed at how well this story is doing because I really love it. **

**So if you have been reading this could you please review?**

**Thanks :)**


	9. Love isn't easy

"I'm home!" I yelled as the door slammed behind me.

I was welcomed in by the echoing sound of snoring.

"Welcome home Bella," I mumbled under my breath, before storming my way up the stair and sleeping next to my boyfriends sleeping form. My thoughts overwhelmed my head, it was almost impossible for any sleep to come. I wanted silence, I wanted emptiness. Of course I wouldn't get any of that.

* * *

><p>I awoke from my dreamless slumber too early and made my way to the window. Settling on the window seat I reached for my favourite book, absorbing myself in the words. Why can't my life be like a fairytale? I knew Jacob loved me...A lot, but I didn't want to confuse myself any further with the life that I couldn't have.<p>

I should have told Edward what I really thought about him. He had always been so much more adamant about his love that I was towards mine. I loved him. I loved him so much it hurt to breath. My stomach was twisting at the very thought of his blazing eyes staring into mine. Was I cheating on Jacob? I couldn't tell. Truthfully, I didn't really feel guilty.

Clambering up, I flung myself onto the bed with Jacob, resting my head on his chest. It would really hurt Edward if he saw me at this moment. I couldn't let that happen.

Jacob shook slightly, waking up as I settled. "Bella?" He moaned.

"Hello sleepy head," I whispered, stroking his face.

"How long have you been here?"

"Not long," I murmured.

He nodded, resting his back on the pillow. I thought suddenly, "How much do you love me?" I asked him.

His head snapped up, "What kind of question is that?"

"A simple one, do you believe that there is only ever one person that you can ever truly love?"

"What is making you say all this Bella?"

I sighed; aware he was dodging my questions. "Renee told me in Florida that you can only ever feel true love once, I was just wondering if you thought that was me," I admitted. "Don't worry about it, just go to sleep."

I turned away from him and pretending to slip straight into a slumber, but truly I stayed wide awake rethinking that Edward ever said to me. He wanted me to marry him for god's sake! Jacob just wanted...Well that's another story.

Sure, he told me he loved me every day, yearned for my touch, my arms, my lips. I wanted to breakaway to find the comfort of someone else. Why was I stupid enough to rip myself away? Edward still loved me, was it as simple as running back into his open arms? Did I really need him that much? I had sent him into a tragic trance. I loved Edward. I loved Jacob. I was transported two years ago. They would kill each other this time. The tears slowly started to fall.

* * *

><p>The week had passed slowly; it was now a weekend and I was turned into a house wife. Ok, so Jacob and I weren't exactly married but it certainly seemed like it. If this was what marriage was like it wasn't something I was likely to enter into.<p>

I and Sam's wife Emily sat opposite at the kitchen table.

"How do you do it Emily?" I asked. She knew exactly what I meant, even though I hadn't really given her any indication.

"It's hard," She admitted-"It must be even harder since Jacob hasn't even imprinted on you."

This should of hurt, knowing that Jacob was actually meant to be with someone else. But to be it was actually relief that came. Emily and I had become a lot closer over the years, along with Leah. We were really the only girls here and so we stuck together like glue. But it was times like these that we were really the humans.

"Sometimes I wonder how you stand it," I may not have made sense, since we both love the wolves a lot. Edward had been right saying they could be temperamental. Emily had scars all up the left side of her face due to one accident with Sam. But in my case it was the fact that Jacob seemed to care more about spending time as a wolf than me. I really shouldn't get so uptight, but I really couldn't help it.

"I know Sam loves me more than anything, and I thought you and Jacob were like that too?"

Ashamed, I looked down at my hands, blushing slightly. "Bella what had happened?"

"I keep on having regrets; I went and visited the Cullen's." I began.

Emily sat and listened while I poured my heart out. She gasped in all the right places and in the end I was extremely happy that I had a friend like her to confide in. I felt hollow after telling her everything. The things I had kept bottled up inside were now gone.

By the end of my story Emily looked out of breath and her eyes were poking out of her sockets.

"Well Edward had certainly left an effect on you." She stated.

I nodded, "What do I do?"

"Who do you love more?" She asked, my head bowed I really couldn't answer that.

"So you love Edward more?" She guessed correctly.

"Yes, but it is so much easier to love Jacob,"

"Love isn't easy Bella, remember that." She said quietly as she could hear the boys.

I nodded, thinking things over in my head. She leant across the table to squeeze my hand reassuringly. "It will all be ok," She murmured.

"Thank you," I choked out.

Suddenly a gust of wind blew through the house and six hungry men strutted into the kitchen. All of them had come in without a shirt (a custom I had become used to). "Hey Bells," Jake kissed me on the temple. "What's for lunch?" I gritted my teeth together before sliding my chair backwards and pulled the fridge open. I took out a tray of sandwiches I had prepared for them before Emily had come over to keep me company.

"Thanks Bella," They all said in unison and I nodded, making a quick exit. Emily followed me hastily.

Attempting to keep her voice down Emily whispered in my ear, "You'll make the right decision."

I hugged her tightly and we flopped onto the sofa, deciding it was better to sit in silence. We stayed tight to each other's sides. I felt at home for the first time in months.

* * *

><p><strong>I have been thinking about giving up on this story, but I'm pulling through and fulfilling because I really do I love this story. <strong>

**I am sorry for any confusions about the change of name and summary I am stripping it back and I really do want as many people as possible to read this story so...**

**Tell your friends, family, worst enemies. **

**But most importantly tell me what you think! Reviews are really what are getting me to write this story! **

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